where did the day/week/month/(you get it) go??

People always say that time flies as you get older.  They also love to tell say how quickly my kid will grow up.  To that I smile and think  "Yeah, yeah... what do you know?  It won't be any different than it was."  Umm, wow, were they right!!  I cannot believe how quickly my days go now.  I wake up and then the next thing I know I am crawling into my bed with piles of laundry around the bedroom and dishes piled up in the sink... where did the day go?! 

I will admit it-- I thought this mom gig would be a little easier.  I am not saying I don't love it, I really do love it.  But in my naive, first time mom head I had visions of full nights of sleep and no bumped baby heads and time to read my kindle while I soaked in the tub.  Yeah, not the case.  Jack is super curious and quick and has bumped his head more times than I remember (not bad bumps, but still scary when it happens) and running a bath and risking waking up the baby when we have worked so hard to get him to sleep??  I think not.  And forget late night laundry... the washing machine sounds like a jet engine taking off and is right outside Jack's bedroom door.

So my point... I have come across some articles recently that have made me feel a little better about not keeping up with everything and about not being able to find "me time" like I used to. 

A fellow new mommy friend sent me this article and it really hit home.  It is about being a mom to one baby.  Even if you have more than one baby I strongly urge you to read it.  And if you aren't a mom maybe you know of a mom who you can share it with. 

I also like article below...

Sure, I miss my old life sometimes.  I miss actually being bored sometimes. I miss going out with friends whenever I want.  And sometimes I miss taking a few minutes after work to just sit and relax.  But I really love this new chapter.  And let's be honest... I rarely have the time to think about missing my old life.. there are too many other things to worry about now!!

dumb stuff people say....

... about my son when he was a few weeks old: "don't pick him up every time he cries, you will spoil him."

... about my 8 1/2 month old son: "he really should be talking by now."

no kittens. no muffins.

I wanted to post today but I couldn't think of anything I really wanted to talk about.  I turned to my friend Meesh for inspiration... this was our conversation....

Me:  what should i blog about?! i just dont know meesh. things i am grateful for? boring! but often overlooked around the new year... overshadowed by resolutions.  things i want??  there are some cookbooks {bread ones-- thought you might like that} and a stand mixer... oh and a trip to disney. i want that bad
no. those are all boring topics.

we went back and forth a bit... I told her that I just felt kinda "weird" today. Then she gave me this advice...

Michelle:  Write about feeling weird...It doesnt have to be fluffy kittens and delicious muffins all the time

So...... I feel weird today, folks.  It could be because I got my period for the first time since July of 2010. {sorry if that grosses out any male readers... oh yeah, good thing I don't have any besides my husband... so I guess that should read: sorry Josh!}  Or maybe it is because it is kind of a gray day here.  Whatever it is I just feel "off" today. 

I feel guilty sometimes when I feel sad because, honestly, I have it pretty good.  I have a supportive husband, a cute and happy baby, a nice place to live {for now-- our house is on the market}and good friends-- among other things.  So boohoo to me right?  I know I should focus on these good things but it is hard sometimes... do you ever get caught up in that "blah" feeling and can't snap out of it?? 

I'm not going to continue this negative post because it isn't helping make me feel better.  Instead I will share something that DOES make me feel better when I feel weird......... little things.  I like small versions of normal things and just teeny things in general.  Maybe it is because I loved my ornate doll house growing up or maybe it is because little things are just mind numbingly cute.  So, here are two small versions of normal sized things that Jack got for Christmas.... looking at them is helping cheer me up.  Enjoy.  Oh, and thanks for listening to me whine about pretty much nothing!

keep calm and carry on

I wrote a draft of a post a while ago (back at the beginning of November) and never posted it..... I have decided that I want to post the previous material as well as some current stuff.  The post is-- you guess it-- more mommy related stuff..... I am finding that this first time mom gig is incredibly consuming! 

previously written material:
I used to think that I could make everyone like me.  It crushed me when I would realize that someone didn't like me.  I also used to pretend like no one ever talked behind my back.  I allowed myself to be blissfully ignorant and it was great. 

I'm not sure what changed, but I have begun allowing myself to realize that not everyone is going to like me, that people will judge me, and that people are going to talk behind my back. 

I'm sure that one person will judge me for nursing my son for too many months and the next person will feel I didn't do it long enough.  One person will say I take being a mom too seriously and the next person will say I don't take it seriously enough.  I will not please everyone.  Friends, family and strangers will probably talk behind my back at some point.  Maybe not in a hurtful way but I'm sure they will have their opinions and won't agree with all of my decisions as a mother.  I'm working on getting more comfortable with that. 

Some people tell me to let him cry more at night and he will learn to sleep better.  Or that I should have started solids earlier.  Sometimes I get upset because I feel like they are judging me and don't think I am doing a good job as a mother.  But then, I get home from work and see my big {exclusively breastfed} healthy baby boy smile and he wiggles with excitement and throws his arms up to me and I know I am doing a good job.


new material:
On Wednesday evening I experienced my first audible criticism from a stranger about my parenting. The story goes like this...... Josh, Jack and I went to Bonefish for dinner so I could get my bang bang shrimp fix.  It was a very cold night (probably about 25 degrees out) and I had Jack in a long sleeved shirt, a sweatshirt and a little fleece jacket.  He also had on socks, sweatpants and a blanket wrapped around his bottom half.  We were walking to the front of the restaurant where the plan was for Josh to pull the car up while Jack and I waited inside where it was warm.  On our walk to the door an older lady looked at me and Jack disapprovingly and said to her friend "they should have gloves on that child." 

BOOM.  Did you just fall out of your seats from that doozy?  No? Ok, ok.  So it wasn't the most horrific thing someone could have said about my parenting but it really got to me.  I'm sure she promptly forgot about my son and his (assumingly frozen) little fingers but here I am writing about it and venting to anyone who will listen.  I need to take the advice above.... keep calm and carry on.  I knew that we didn't have far to walk in the cold.  I knew that his fingers were not going to freeze and break off.  I need to move on.  I know that that won't be the last time I hear someone comment on my parenting.  So the next time I hear someone comment on how I am raising/clothing/diapering/feeding my kid I need to take a deep breath and remind myself that I am doing the best job I possibly can... which I think is pretty good.

The Obligatory New Mom Santa Picture Post

Jack: "Oh you know... just hanging out in this humongous chair, chatting with Santa.... no big deal."

Despite really rude people working with Santa (disappointingly not even dressed as elves!) and a slow moving line, Jack was very patient and did very well when he met Santa yesterday.  He sat down on Santa's lap and looked over at me and smiled (not captured of course) and then stared at me and the lady taking pictures for a few minutes before turning to Santa and reaching up to touch his beard.  I broke eye contact with the dude for a second to look at the picture screen and he got a quivery lip so I went over and scooped him up.  Besides that, he was a champ up there and I was so proud of him!

We like food...

I don't know if you can tell from all my ramblings about cornbread but I like food.  Turns out, Jack likes food too.  When people see him downing bowl after bowl of squash they say "he likes to eat... just like his mom!"  So I guess my love of eating is no secret. 

Right now, I am too tired to write any kind of real post {let me just say-- teething sucks!!}... so I will just put up some pictures of my little guy doing what he does best... being happy and cute and eating food!

The photo at the top is of Jack's very first experience with food... oatmeal at about five and a half months.  Below are more recent photos of him covered in squash and lovin' life!

Are you thankful??

That I am finally finishing up this list??  Or are you so sad that you don't get to hear me ramble on about what I am thankful for?  Fear not, dear readers... I will certainly find other things to ramble about!

thankful #27: a song

See the post from this morning to see what song I am thankful for.  I have been pretty stressed {listing our house, bills piling up, etc} and sleep deprived lately so I needed a good laugh and I got it this morning.


thankful #28: a gift

Our wedding present from my friend Meesh.  She isn't loaded or anything but she gave us a very, very generous cash gift.  But that isn't the part I was most thankful for...... she also gave us a bunch of games to play on our honeymoon-- games like uno and travel yatzee.  It was an incredibly thoughtful gift because it was useful gift and a fun way for me and Josh to connect while we waited for planes, instead of just sitting and doing our own thing. 

Meesh is just an all around great gift giver.  She has given Jack some pretty great gifts... for no reason other than she is just thoughtful.  A cute book about a polar bear names Lars, a soft little washcloth mit thingee, and my favorite-- his Morrissey onesie!!  I had him in that outfit so much that it was pretty worn out and pilly by the time he outgrew it and I {sadly} had to pack it away.  Here he is sporting his hip little outfit while kickin' it in Meesh's arms...

thankful #29: something in your home

I guess I could be a sappy mom and say "my son"... or I could be repetitive and say "my bed"... but I'm going to go with.... my tart warmer.  I love that it makes the whole downstairs smell nice.  I feel like it gives off a stronger scent than a regular candle.  I also like that the tealights will go out on their own after a few hours.  True, I should probably blow them out long before they extinguish on their own but I often forget {which can obviously be a problem with real candles} and I like that I don't have to stress too much about it. 


thankful #30: the thing you're most thankful for

My car.  It is so smooth and nice and....... I'm kidding!  I am 100%, hands down, no question most thankful for my family.  I never, ever have to question whether or not they will come through for me when I need them... they ALWAYS will. 

They have seen me when I am stressed and being a major bitch; when I am sad and curled up in the fetal position on my bed wailing about how hard life is; when I'm happy; when I'm scared.  They just love me no matter what. 

My parents have always been the most awesomely supportive people... telling me I could do anything when clearly I couldn't-- example: basketball.. I was terrible at basketball.  And they supported my decisions even if they didn't agree completely-- example: quitting basketball after one practice.

My sister {even though we argue something, as I covered in a recent post} is a really, really great sister.  She is a fantastic aunt to my son... really, I'm not sure who loves him more than she does?  She rivals me and Josh for the love she feels for that little boy.  Over the years, she has listened to me complain and cry and work through issues and is really helpful and positive.  And there is NO ONE better at making me feel ok after a crazy night of drinking... she can make the severe hangover guilt almost go away.

Obviously my love for Josh and Jack is huge.  It almost makes my heart explode on a daily basis.  I love my boys, J sqaured, more than I thought I could love two people. 

And then there is everyone else... Josh's family, my Gooky, my aunts and uncles and cousins and nieces and nephew and everyone in between.  I am thankful for them all. 

I am also very grateful for you.  Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  It means so much to me!

Bluetooth Gangsta

Remember that post from not so long ago where I proclaimed my love for my old Honda Accord?  Well, we have since parted ways and I am now riding in style in a brand new Toyota Camry.  It is a sport model so it has ground effects, nicer wheels and some weird paddle thingee on the steering wheel.  Pretty gangsta right? Well honestly, those are all features that I don't care much about but Josh seems to think it is cool and I want to be cool so I'm going along with it. 

One thing that I AM excited about it the bluetooth feature.  I finally set it up this morning while I was waiting for my windshield to defrost.  It took me a few tries to figure it out but I got it. 

It gave me the message that it was connected and then for some reason it started to play one of the songs from my music library.  It started to play--- and I promise I am not making this up-- "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta"... it was perfect.  For a moment I felt like I was in a sitcom; like I had a bunch of writers carefully choosing the soundtrack to my morning.  Then I realized I was about to sit in traffic on my way to a boring job and everything seemed a lot less sitcom-y.  But it was pretty damn cool for a minute.

Above: Halloween 2008... one of the members of the bad ass gang "GangGreen"

Thankful That I Can Type Pretty Quickly....

Less than twelve hours until the end of November... and still twelve more items on my thankful list to cover... eek!  Sure, I can type relatively quickly... but I have a verrrry hard time being succinct.  I'll try my best!

thankful #19: a favorite piece of clothing

The big, comfy toggle button sweater I recently purchased from Old Navy.  It was originally $50, which may not seem like much to some people but that is a lot for me to spend on an article of clothing.  Fortunately, I was able to get a lovely tan one during a sale for 40% off.  I love it so much that I decided I needed another one in brown and I was able to snag that one for less than $5!!  I got it during a great sale where all the sweaters in the store were 75% off AND I had some super cash so I basically got an additional 50% off. 

Here are some things I love about the sweaters: 1. extremenly cozy 2. has pockets 3. long enough to wear with leggings when I need to feel extra cozy while running errands 4. did I mention how cozy the sweaters are?? 

Sure, I kind of feel like I look like an old man who likes to drink brandy and smoke cigars in a leather armchair in his study... but I don't care because- you guessed it-- I'm just too cozy to care!!

I know you can't get a good look at the sweater from the picture above... but that cute little halloween horse baby booty was too cute not to post!  And look at those chubby little wrists... he is like the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters!  Hmm.. that would have been a cute costume......... there I go rambling again- sorry!


thankful #20: a keepsake

My engagement/wedding ring.  I am thankful for these rings because they are beautiful and sparkly but also because of what they symbolize.  I feel very, very blessed to be married to such a supportive, patient and kind man and my rings are a constant reminder of just how lucky I am.

thankful #21: a disappointment or fear

Moving to Illinois when I was a sophmore in high school.  Holy hell, that was a traumatic time for me.  I was 16 years old and my dad was relocated to Illinois.  We moved mid way through the school year so that I could finish the field hockey season and Jessi could finish the soccer season.  I remember laying on the bed in my new bedroom in our new house and crying so hard that I could barely breath.  I remember that first day in the new school and that I was so nervous I was actually sick.  But somehow the move didn't kill me like I was sure it would.  It didn't take long for me to make some friends and then I met a boy who ending up being my first love. 

We ended up moving back to Maryland less than a year later and it was bittersweet... I had to leave my boyfriend and my new friends but I got to come back to my old school and my old friends.  The whole experience of having to move there and then move back was incredibly stressful and painful..... BUT-- I wouldn't take any part of it back.  I learned how important it is to be accepting of new people.  I made some lasting friendships.  And I avoided having to pay for driver's ed because they offered it in school there.

thankful #22: a book

The Sleep Easy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5.  I have not put this book to use yet because Jack is acutely teething right now {something which I'm not sure will EVER end} and the book advises against starting sleep learning while your child is teething.  But soon we will employ the techniques in this book and I am optimistic that I will get a good night of sleep soon.  I really hope so.  It is possible right?

thankful #23: a feeling

When I get home from work and Jack sees me and his little face lights up and he starts shaking his arms around with excitement and reaches for me.  It is the best.  It makes me feel loved and content and happy and like my heart just might explode.  The feeling of being so unconditionally loved is pretty neat.

thankful #24: a photograph

This one is REALLY hard for me.  I love, love, love so many of the pictures I have.  I am incredibly grateful that so many of my experiences have been captured in pictures.  But I'm actually not even going to choose a picture of myself for this... I am choosing one of Josh.  I love this picture so much.  He looks so happy and adorable.  I love how thick his hair is and how big and bright his eyes are.  I love his little mock turtleneck and his tan blazer... a real hip little dude. 

Josh is the youngest of five and I have heard that there are often less pictures of the last of so many kids... so I am very happy that we have this picture!


thankful #25 a luxury

Sleep.  I miss it.  I never really considered it a luxury before but now with a teething, needy baby I realize just how much of a luxury it is.  The other night Jack only woke up once.  It was amazing.  A taste of the good life.

I don't need luxuries like fur, diamonds or filet mignon.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't pass up the aforementioned items but I think right now I would take eight hours of sleep over any of them! 

The photo above is from 2008.  I was taking a nap in Cambridge.  A nap!  Ha!  I think I remember what those were like but I can't be sure.

thankful #26: a charity

Baltimore Reads.  My sister is a first grade teacher in Baltimore City.  As a city teacher, resources are limited so she uses the organization "Baltimore Reads, Inc" to stock her classroom with books.  It is a wonderful organization that provides books to teachers and families in need.  They have an abundance of board books which apparently are not in as high of demand so I was able to get quite a few for Jack which is wonderful.  Since Jack was just a few days old, we have read the book "Mommy loves me" every single night before bed... it is a cute, quick little board book which I got from Baltimore Reads. 

They can always use all kinds of books- adult, children, anything!  So if you are clearing off your bookshelves consider donating some books to them... they will even come to you to pick them up!





Well, it turns out I couldn't type fast enough to get the list done today... so I am going to finish up the list tomorrow or Friday.  Yeah, I'm a little late but that has been my story lately... it wouldn't be fitting if I finished the list on time!

Thankful: Sisters, Stores and Silly Movie Quotes

I clearly got in over my head with "30 Days of Thanks" thing.  Not because I can't be thankful for one thing each day... quite the contrary... I am thankful for many, many things every day.  It is the keeping up with posting about everything that is proving to be difficult for me.  I forget sometimes that I have other stuff on my plate-- work, laundry, dishes, a baby, cleaning and somewhere in there I try to sleep but that doesn't seem to be happening much lately either. 

I'm going to work on catching up on posting about some more things I am thankful for..... besides you guys taking the time to read this... it is a given that I am always thankful for you!!

thankful #16: an experience

Being an older sister.  My sister, Jessi, and I fight. A lot. We always have.  But we also laugh. A lot. We always have.  We are very different.  She has blonde hair, I have brown.  She is very artistic, I can barely draw a circle.  She doesn't really ever want to talk about fights or problems {she just wants to forget they happened}, I want to talk about them until I'm blue in the face to figure out why they happened.  Despite our differences and countless fights, we still somehow end up being friends. 

Sure, sometimes she makes me want to pull my hair out {or she just pulls it out for me during a fight}, but I can't imagine a day without my little sister.  She is tough and, even though she is younger than me and I feel protective of her, she can usually handle her business and fight her own fights.  But if there comes a day when she can't and she needs a hand, I hope she knows that I am always right here to pick her up and help her realize just how great she is. 

thankful #17: a store

Old Navy.  I know I am a size 6 pants and a medium top... always... so I can shop from the comfort of my sofa.  Somehow I was still the same size when I was 6 months pregnant and 30 pounds heavier.  Granted, maybe I didn't look as great poured into size 6 pants when I was sportinga lot more belly chub.. but I still fit.  I also love that they have great sales and are reasonably priced to begin with.  I am pretty sure that about 93% of my closet is from Old Navy, 5% is from Target and the other 2% are hand me downs from my sister.  I will revisit my love for Old Navy in #19 on this list.. I bet you can't wait!

thankful #18: a saying/quote/scripture

I feel like this is a tricky one.  I used to love quotes.  I was so excited to pick out the quote to go with my senior picture in the yearbook-- I ending up choosing "love isn't what makes the world go 'round, it is what makes the ride worthwhile."  I thought it was deep and meaningful and perfect.  Yeah, dork.  I mean the quote it fine, it is nice, but it is kinda cheesy.  I wish I would have chosen something more fun... a quote from Dumb and Dumber {my favorite movie then and still a favorite now} or something from a song that meant something to me.  So I'll correct my silly high school mistake and choose more wisely this time around.  So here it is..... it was hard to choose... and I'm still not sure it is my favorite.....

"Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!"

I like changing the word "dying" in the quote above to other things and using it on a daily basis.  For example, I often say to Jack: "Don't you go crying on me!"

I also love the following exhange........

Harry: Lloyd, I can't feel my fingers, they're numb!
Lloyd: Oh well here, take this extra pair of gloves, my hands are starting to get a little sweaty.
Harry: Extra gloves? You've had extra gloves this whole time?
Lloyd: Um yeah, we are in the Rockies. Jeez!
I know not everyone likes Jim Carrey but I love him.  I also love that this movie makes Josh laugh out loud, and not many movies can do that.